Archive for the animals category
saturday story.
by josh on February 13th, 2010
so i go to the bank today….
and as i am driving in….i find myself following this minivan with the license plate “GOODMOM3″. first i thought to myself, “hehe….nice try, but there are apparently 2 other moms greater than you!”
what was even funnier though? in the back window was this huge decal that said, “peace, love & hope”. huh? “that’s pretty fuckin’ ghey”, i thought to myself. however, i was still really curious about what kinda person was driving this minivan of greatness. she happened to be pulling into the bank too…so it was perfect.
then out steps this fat disgusting pimple infested white chick who was about my height, but easily pushing around about 75 more pounds beyond my own ample plump bosom. i entered the bank right behind her, so of course i had to stand in line directly behind her. she was talking on her cell phone as she stood there. but even better, she had one of those corded ear pieces stringing down her gross pimpled arm as she yapped away so all the rest of the patrons could hear. even though she was sans a cool new bluetooth device, she obviously was a very important “GOODMOM3″ and damn sure wanted everyone to know it. seriously though, the delusional stank of self-importance was just dripping from this heffer like a 4 day old beer fart just waiting to kill some baby bunnies.
whatever….i quickly stopped paying attention to her as i muttered under my breath about the other retards in there taking way too long to finish up their transactions.
i finally step to the teller (of course i get the cutest girl of the bunch), hand over a check, swipe my car, smile, make a joke, smile again, and say bye.
but as i am walking out….i have to walk past this “GOODMOM3″ lady again. i was already in ignore mode, but i couldn’t help but notice her…..because she was now fupa deep in the point of transaction where she felt she needed to raise her voice in discontent at the teller.
“ummm, excuse me….i went through this about 3 years ago and vowed i would never bank with wells fargo again after they refused to give me a debit card after i was going through a bankruptcy! now my credit is within good standings and i am still having problems with you and everyone that works here!!! why i even bother with you people….”, she’s saying with a huge zit infested face.
she was totally disrespecting the teller, and gosh darn it…..something needed to happen. heh, enter me.
naturally, i say….”oh my god!!! a bankruptcy is fucking your shit up like a deadbeat and you drive around in a minivan that’s labeled ‘GOODMOM3′? shame on you for lying to your kids and the WORLD!” ….and i walk backwards out the door to her jaw dropped muttface…just snickering the whole way out.
heh…..not only were the bank tellers all just laughing, but even another patron waiting in line started clapping at me with a look of “awwww, shit….no you didn’t!”. hahahaha, but seriously…..i can’t stand folks that feel the need to be total cunts to customer service people. like they had anything to do with your situation to begin with?!?!?!?! get a grip, get a clue, and get that bullcrap off your lame minivan cause if i ever see it again i am gonna throw a rock through the windshield just out of purpose!
i now feel complete for the rest of the day though. “GOODMOM3″ my ass! who let’s these ppl breed? when i take over the world…..
:p
venice beach pics
by josh on November 1st, 2009
here’s some pics from the beach yesterday. -click to lauch slideshow-
concert was great too. i’d write more, but still nursing a hangover. so that’ll have to wait.
socal sleazebag of the month! sept. ‘09
by josh on September 17th, 2009
ah…..this one is a gem. from the ocregister article:
wtf is wrong with some people? apparently this wonderful mother was down and out about not being able to sell her “massage therapy” business, so she stabbed her kids. yikes, guess all those “happy endings” don’t always bring everyone blissful joy. hahaha. there is also mention of her dealing with a divorce and other things….but still, that kinda stuff happens to a lot of people. it’s not something to get all stabby over.
relax….take a break…..smoke a freakin’ joint for all i care…..BUT PUT THE KNIFE DOWN NUTSO! as you are the socal sleavebag of the month for sept. 2009!
i am big time!
by josh on August 14th, 2009
….you know you’ve made it in this town when……
your work can be seen inside of a bus stop. haha!
a couple weeks ago i threw together a little poster for this funny girl friend of mine. i’ve helped her with some contact cards and stuff in the past….so apparently she likes coming to me when it involves the illusion of her being naked…on a poster. ha!
anyways, another friend of ours snapped this photo as she was out and about in LA today.
how funny…..
here’s the original thing in all it’s naked goodness:
socal sleazebag(s) of the month: july 2009.
by josh on July 30th, 2009
i know i missed last month, so this month gets 3 awards handed out.
see, one of my guilty pleasures is watching big brother. yes…the crappy reality tv show that locks 15 or so ppl in one big house and videotapes their every move. i am not sure how i got hooked on this garbage….but alas, i am. it’s interesting to me just how the dynamics of clashing personalities can play out on this show. although….i am starting to think their casting team needs to quick picking morons just cause they look good. because, sure….while i can agree that the show will have more appeal if the ppl on it on are the attractive side…..there are still plenty of attractive ppl in the world that aren’t complete knobs.
anyways….the winners of this months “socal sleazebag of the month” are 3 morons on the show….that yep, are from california. and they are all cliched idiots even if they go out of their way to be “different”. here’s a fight 3 of the california gems had:
yep. yep. we’ve got the surfer dude from santa monica. the tattooed tramp from torrence. and the colorful gay dude from chula vista. the little gay dude isn’t as bad as the other two…..but he’s still annoying. the sad thing is….this interaction is actually a pretty good display of just how ignorant a lot of ppl are. the sadder thing is….usually they’ll never actually understand what kinda trash they are. oh well….i’ll be here to point it out for them. hehe.
viva la chinchilla!!!!
by josh on June 26th, 2009
have you seen that chinchillas are making it to the big screen?
awesome commercial:
just down the road.
by josh on June 16th, 2009
apparently there was a high speed chase right past my apt. last night. when i say right past? i mean literally! it all came to an end, just a block down the road.
i heard the sirens zoom by while i was watching the brewer game, but my place isn’t facing the road, so i couldn’t see. i thought it was just a fire or something. crazy tho…..i go through that intersection every day to and from work.
coachella follow-up: naked wizard beat down.
by josh on April 24th, 2009
a video has surfaced from the coachella music fest last weekend. *warning-not work safe at all. naked man with his pee-pee hanging out all over.
needless to say….all the more reason i have no desire to go to coachella. was the dude being a moron? sure…..but to bum rush the dude like that? make sure to catch the knee drop the fat cop gives him at roughly the 3:00 mark. like a naked hippie dude is really a threat? to who? okay….walking down the street all naked is one thing. a concert goer getting naked in the 110 degree heat? obviously there were plenty of other concert patrons that didn’t see the need for the use of blunt force.
shit is completely ridiculous to me.
this is on the brink of a cop straight up shooting and killing a young male in oakland a couple months ago. right in front of everyone waiting to get on a train. very similar situations….the cops were brutally trying to “subdue” the victim…..to the point where the victim was resisting arrest for fear of his life. same thing here….when a cop knees you on purpose in the middle of the chest, that is not “normal” arresting procedure.
as i said…..who exactly was this naked dude a threat to? was he in bad taste? sure….but maybe the world could benefit from some attitudes more along the lines of a dude running around a concert naked….having a good time….and just not giving a fuck about how he is perceived. it sure the hell is a lot more inviting than fearing the nation becoming some sort of police state everywhere you go.
…and don’t get me wrong…i have mad respect for a lot of cops. it’s a job that i couldn’t do, and most are probably very under paid and under respected. however, there are just as many morons with badges and guns too.
FREE THE NAKIE PEOPLE! VIVA LA REVOLUTION!
a birdie ditty.
by josh on April 18th, 2009
