Archive for the religion category
socal sleazebag of the month: may 2009.
by josh on May 1st, 2009
…..and it’s a new month, so time for a new sleazebag!
i’ve been waiting for a few weeks to crown this gem, and really was hoping her 15 mins would be up….but i guess it’s not. the winner!
miss california, carrie prejean, or as i like to call her….the instant anti-gay marriage media whore. the coverage on this bimbo has just been ridiculous. now she has signed on to do anti-gay marriage campaigns for the “national organization for marriage” (-story here-)
now….i really couldn’t careless what ppl’s opinions are on gay marriage. frankly, i think marriage as a whole is a joke and…well, it’s not the homos that got it there. but what drives me crazy is how this chick has been playing the victim for “just stating her opinion”.
yeah….nice try moron. i don’t think she was even aware that she had an opinion on the subject until she was asked about it on the show. she mumbled and vomited out some words (half of which didn’t even follow a coherent thought)…and now she is like the spokesperson to keep those nasty gross gays from harming the secret sanction of marriage!
just stick the swimsuit competitions please….as you are the socal sleazebag of the month!
ps. philly d hit a good point in the very beginning of this too. perez hilton is a douchecunt on top of all of this garbage.
oh devil woman.
by josh on March 10th, 2009
so…it appears my somewhat celeb crush is stirring up the sins lately. at least according to this article on christwire.org.
please. of all the ho bags in today’s media? like olivia here is one to point the sin finger at? while she may be a bit of an attention whore (admittedly)…i hardly would say she is corrupting the youth of america with her devilish ways.
the chick’s a nerd….and has a mass following of little dorky gamer nerds. if anything, i think it is a good thing these nerds actually have a real live person to tickle their fantsy. i mean, it sure beats some potion dropping pixel fairy from whatever video game they are balls out on.
…and speaking of…..the weirdo gamers that were living underneath me moved out. i dunno if i ever really mentioned them before, but talk about freaks. it was a guy and girl and they were about my age. they would sit out on their patio below my window with their laptops until the sun came up. literally. they’d still be there playing their dorkass wizard games when i would get up for work. which was fine…..except they would also sit there smoking 4 packs a night too. which wouldn’t bother me….except the chick smoked those nasty clove cigarettes, and the funk would come right up into my window.
needless to say….see ya later wizard freaks with your magic potion 6 steath cloke.
just call me jesus, son.
by josh on December 13th, 2008
okay…so i was ready to pull the trigger on buying a new car last week. unfortunately by the time i got to the dealer…..someone had already drove off with the car i was looking at, just hours prior.
which sucked. but what can ya do?…..so i took a bath on that idea for the time being.
fast forward to today. i am lounging around all day, not feeling all that hot…..but still figured i should go get some beer for at least the football games tomorrow. i venture off to the lovely local ralph’s as usual. i pull into the parking lot and have to loop around the isles to find a spot. of course this crap ass family is walking down the middle of the lane just completely unaware of the fact that there are other ppl in the world. i shoulda just floored it into one of the little shitstains they call “cute lil’ johhny”….but i degress….
i see the first available parking spot open and go to pull into it. ooooopppp! the ralph’s girl was collecting the carts and was cutting through my parking spot on her way to the cart rack in front of the store. my bad sweetie…..i thought to myself as i waited for her to get outta my way.
all of a sudden the look on her face turns to that of horror with a readable “OH MY GOD!” in her lips.
….is all i heard, as someone backed into my car.
ugh, you’ve got to be kidding me. i was ready to flip out, go crazy, and all sortsa other crazy shit……until i looked and saw it was this 17-18 year old little asian kid in a brand new toyota camary. needless to say, he was just more scared than anything. had no clue what to do….so he got on the phone with what i assume was his parents.
i take a look at my car…..and yeah, there is now a scratch right where my bumper meets the body….and my bumper is a little jacked down, but only about a 1/4 of an inch. easily fixable with the brand new tools i just got! woot! i still check to make sure the lights and doors are all fine and make sure there isn’t any hidden damage. it’s all good….
i say to the kid, “what happen man? did you just not look in your mirrors?”
he just kinda shrugs and is still just nothing but scared and unsure of what to do.
i take a look at his car. hehehe, his whole bumper is fuct and will most likely need to be completely replaced. ouch.
i say, “don’t worry dude, shit happens. it’s all good. i am not gonna even bother with trying to get this fixed as there is no point on my car.”
he looks at me with a face just filled with confusion and says, “well, i should probably call my insurance…….”
“don’t bother man. sorry, but it was your fault, and the cart girl saw everything. they will tell you the same thing….” i explain. “you are gonna have to get your bumper fixed, but just tell them you backed into something and pay the deductible. it sucks for you, but i am not gonna go after your insurance to get this little scratch fixed on my shitty old car man……”
of course at this point he finally understands what i am saying. as in, don’t sweat it kid….i am not gonna try and screw you.
“well thank you sir.” he says…. “but can i at least give you some money? all i have is $10, but still.”
i laugh, “it’s okay man, i don’t want your money either.”
now the dude is really confused again. i can tell because he is just kinda looking at me as if i am some kind of ghost.
he asks, “are you going to church?”
huh? realize, i am dressed like a complete bum here. jeans, no socks, just threw on some shoes, and a hoodie. hell, i haven’t even showered and probably smell…..
“no, i am going to get beer…..haha.” says the typical josh.
“well, sir, i will pray to jesus thanking and thinking of you for this.” says the kid….
ugh. for the love of christ kid…..i’d be praying for better driving skills and the ability to pay attention, but whatever floats your boat i guess. it was flattering though….so to end our little exchange and make my way to my beer, i parted ways with a, “cool man, say hi to him for me.”
so now i sit here……enjoying a cold sam adams winter lager…..wondering if anyone will ever believe me when i say i am really jesus. ha!
*holds bottle in the air*
“to jesus! and shitty little kid drivers!”
cheers!
*hiccup*
religulous…
by josh on October 8th, 2008
bill maher’s new movie religulous opened up this past weekend. haven’t seen it yet myself, but it looks hilarious.
great interview here in regards to it…
god bless sundays.
by josh on May 25th, 2008
so i needed to run some errands this morning.
and of course it’s not like things can just be boring and simple.
i jetted over the to the AM/PM to get cigs, beer, and gas. i wish i could bitch about gas prices, but since i drive a civic, i really don’t care what gas costs. i only put in $10 and that will get me through the next week. ha!
so i get my shit and go out to pump some gas. it’s all cool, until i am just about to leave and this girl comes walking up to me. she is dressed in what i can only assume is her sunday best. which in my neighborhood, is nothing more than a mere attempt at throwing on some dress-like thing that was probably on sale at ross. she looked to be coming from church or something, but i couldn’t be sure.
she starts walking towards me from all the way across the gas pumps. passing numerous others along the way. wtf?…i think to myself. she then starts making that pointing at the wrist “what time is is?” signal. oh, ok, the chick just needs to know that time it is. that’s cool.
I say to her, “it’s like 11:30 or so.”
of course that’s not what she really wanted.
“sorry sir, but god bless you and do you think you could help me out?” she says.
muthafucka.
“i just need some gas, could you please….”
i interrupt her with a, “sorry, i gotta get outta here.”….and slam my car door in her face. heh.
i swear. the sad thing is….i am in a good mood this morning. i also had a loose $5 bill in my pocket that i probably woulda given her. why didn’t i?
1. you pass up about 6-7 other ppl to come ask whitey for money? fuck you.
2. you pretend like you want to know what time it is? instead of being honest.
3. god bless me? does that shit really work? shoulda asked your church for gas money….maybe they’d give a shit.
so that was that.
i then ran off to target to get some dvd’s and a flash card for my phone. this was a pretty normal ordeal. picked up juno and the diving bell and the butterfly…..and a memory card.
but it was hilarious….as i was working towards the dvds and shit, this very-very-very pregnant black girl with cool ass braids was walking past me. i give her a smile and she smiles back….and i go pick out my shit.
well, as i am walking back towards the checkouts…i see this same pregnant chick. except this time she has something in her hands. what was it?
a mega pack of maxi pads.
wtf? i shake my head a bit and think, ummm, i don’t get it.
of course i have to be a fucker and say to her, “ummmm, i may be a boy and all, but are you sure you really need those?”…as i point to her giagantic box of female gross things.
she busts up laughing and replies with a, “i juss stocking up cause hell if i wanta get back to being this fat again anytime soon. you’ll crazy though!”
“ok, just making sure….” i say as i continue on my way with a smirk..
so…..god bless sundays and broke bitches and pregnant girls buying maxi pads.
*cracks a beer*