cuff ‘em, cedarburg!

by josh on August 28th, 2008

i actually came across this news story on a weekly online radio show i listen to.

for those that don’t know, cedarburg is where i grew up. and now they are apparently arresting those library fine deadbeat heathens.

give. me. a. break.

great use of the tax dollars there. what happened? there weren’t any kids to harass for a day or something? unbelievable….and reminds me why i got the hell out. shit…just yesterday morning? totally ran a red light….and yep, right in front of a cop. i mean, it was pretty bad. to the point where i woulda busted myself for how stupid it was. guess what happened?

not a thing. ha!

hey metal face…

by josh on August 26th, 2008

ok…i realize for all the lonely lost souls out there….the easiest way to become all special is to get some ink and piercings. i can understand a stud in the nose, or an eyebrow ring….and stuff like that.

…but there is one thing i keep seeing more and more of, that leaves me scratching my head.

chicks getting stupid looking shit all up in their grill. why?

first why:

why? was the bar in the tongue not annoying ppl enough? might as well just throw it all the way out of the mouth?

second why:

congrats….2 down and 600 more to go in achieving that hellraiser pinhead look. so scary…

third why:

ooooohhhh, “viper bites”. not only can your sexual orientation be in question….you can now confuse yourself for a deadly serpent of mythical proportions. again…highly riveting.

…and lastly, the big winner!!!

yes,….why stop at being a big slithering death worm, when you can be that….PLUS MIXED WITH A BULL!!!! come one now, just give us a few hisses and snot sneezes all in one breath. you are the almighty metal face!

maybe i am just weird, but why change such a thing as great as a girl’s kisser? ladies, please stop the insanity, and quit making your face into a lightning rod!

“you look like trouble.”

by josh on August 18th, 2008

huh?

after the dodger game saturday night we ventured to a little british themed sports bar in santa monica to sip a couple drinks with patty o’ furniture. i had stepped outside to smoke a cigarette, and this bartender lady was holding down the door. carding the new patrons that were entering the establishment.

me, in my typical smartass way….walks up and says, “you wanna see my ID too?”

“you look like trouble!” she says.

WTF?!?!?!??!?!?!

i start laughing and give her a “what the hell does that mean?”

she then insists her comment was suppose to be that of a “good thing”….so i should take it as a compliment. i dunno about that……

trouble. i am an angel, sheesh.

…..but backing up to the dodger game. shit, that was an adventure. seated amongst a crowd of 52,000 people (half of which i swear were pregger chicks and 400 lbs. mexicans)….i was sporting my jj hardy jersey in support of the brewers rolling through town. needless to say, i expected to be given some shit for it. actually though, to my surprise…there were a lot more brewer fans there than i expected.

i mean, some dude came up to me and started chatting in the beer line. apparently he was from london….but had lived in milwaukee for 6 years, so he was there to see the brewers too. cool….so i bought him his beer and nodded with a “cheers”.

but back to my hardy jersey. it was fairly tame….i got the usual “booooo!!!”’s each time i made my way up the stairs. figures too….cause we had 1st row seats on the 2nd deck….so i had to climb the sea of classless shitbag dodger fans each time i got up. but that was fine…..boooo me, like i care.

it wasn’t until the top of the 8th inning when things got a little more interesting. jj hardy hit a 2 run home run to put the brewers on top by a run. of course i stood up and cheered, and of course that pissed everyone off. so like typical dodger pieces of shit….the great fans behind me start throwing shit at me. peanuts and other crap. cause you know…nothing but class in dodger stadium.

well, the dodgers came back to tie it up in the bottom of the 9th….on, of course, an error made by jj hardy. so the shit talking started back up.

however….in the top of the 10th….the brewers regained the lead for good….on….

….AN RBI SINGLE FROM JJ HARDY!!!!!!!

HA! SWEET BLISS!

…at this point i looked to my buddy paul and decided it was a good time to just bolt. so i had to make one last trek up the sea of loser dodger fans to get back to the parking lot. here i was sporting my hardy jersey….and he had just won the game for the brewers. one would think it’d be best to just quietly try and sneak past the crowd right?

OH NO! NOT ME!!!!!

naturally i made that last walk up the stadium stairs with my arms in the air….chanting…

“JJ—HAR-DY!!! JJ—HAR-DY!!! JJ—HAR-DY!!! JJ—HAR-DY!!! JJ—HAR-DY!!! JJ—HAR-DY!!! JJ—HAR-DY!!! JJ—HAR-DY!!! JJ—HAR-DY!!! JJ—HAR-DY!!!”

ha. i am lucky i didn’t get shot, but screw you dodger fans!

so yeah….me=trouble.

new rules!

by josh on August 11th, 2008

yes….it’s that time again. for new rules!

(note: choice of words is for effect….that’s all)

1. no one cares that you got engaged.

seriously you dumb girls….how many times do we need to hear the lame ass unoriginal and completely uninspiring stupid ass story regarding your engagement……

WHILE AT WORK!!??!?!?!

that’s awesome it’s a happy moment for you….hell, i’d be telling all my closest friends too. only difference is, my closest friends aren’t the 200 other knobs in the office that couldn’t help but notice that giant waste of money on your finger. i really can’t wait to hear all about your reception and everything down to the lame flowers details in the months to come too. thanks abuncha inadvance.

on the plus side….i should be able to put “wedding planner” on a resume now.

“what’s your qualifications, sir?”

“i worked in corporate america with abuncha ditzy bitches for the last 7 years…..”

2. long lasting old couples aren’t in love.

minus the few exceptions…..how many old couples do you really know that are in deep infatuated love still?

i am soooooo sick of ppl trying to use an old couple for a hint of what lasting love should be….of course usually when feeling sorry for themselves through despair. old ppl HATE EACH OTHER! why do you think they sleep in separate rooms? do they put up with each other? sure…..but grandma isn’t making sammiches for grandpa cause she wants to show him her love. she is doing it cause she doesn’t wanna hear any pissing and moaning. :p

i dunno, it’s a different time……show me someone that’s been married for 50 years, and i am willing to bet most can’t stand their spouse (assuming they are still alive). it’s a lost hope…..get over it, the “cute old couple pity card” is washed up.

3. the olympics are culturally bias.

why the hell does the host country always seem to all of a sudden get an olympic dominating team?

in sydney the aussie’s were the shit…..now all of a sudden china is coming outta the woodwork with athletes everywhere? where the hell were these great country teams in the other olympics? i mean….it’s a given that the US will be up there..but that’s never changed. where the hell are these host countries coming from?

side note: it’s a damn right shame the US vs. holland soccer game wasn’t televised here over the weekend. it ended in a 1-1 draw…..but was probably one of the better matches in recent US national team history. glad it was passed up for swimming and gymnastics semifinals! NBC YOU SUCK!

4. least the democrats like crazy CHICKS!

ok,….so john edwards was humping some crazy broad. and yes….bill clinton had his loopy ass intern…..and JFK, well, i am pretty sure he had the clap. either way….is it really that big of a deal to find out someone in politics was humping around?

i mean….and i am weird and everything…..but i’d rather have my politicians at least humping nutty broads, versus…..diddling little boys, or getting the token republican male hooker.

i mean….is anyone actually convinced that any politician is like this superior moral being anymore? didn’t think so. so let’s at least hope he/she is at least humping the gender they claim their moral excellence with….and just leave it at that.

just a test here.

by josh on August 10th, 2008

my email subscriptions seem to be screwed again. sorry. this is really just a test post though. plus i wanna push the mega baseball video post off the main page…it takes forever to load.

other than that…..nothing new, but here’s a video showcasing the great SD fire department:

drive financial group.

by josh on August 9th, 2008

*NSFW…..potty mouth ahead!*

but this is just funny. hehe. yes, i need a life, but screw these ppl!

sorry for the mouth, mom.

sigur ros.

by josh on August 7th, 2008

just found out they are coming out here for a show this fall. i am not really big on concerts anymore. least not the stadium mega shows…..but i’ve never seen sigur ros before. so i may have to make an exception for this….

music is unreal. from iceland…..

keepin’ it real in anacrime!

by josh on August 7th, 2008

this was the scene down the road on tuesday morning.

….and please take note of the great footage captured by the wonderful OC register (the main paper here).

oh sweet jesus protector of the holy land…….my neighbors are a killer biker gang!!!!!!! what’s even better? is this is a “christian biker gang”. bwahahahah, had i known this earlier….i woulda been drinking with those fools months ago!

lesson in life number 456: contrary to what they tell you in white suburbia…..it’s really never that bad of an idea to buddy up with biker gangs. or any gangs for that matter. never know when you’ll need a homie to ninja cut some fool, ya heard?

oh…and gotta love the witness on the scene. holy crap, ya cracked out methhead….get the hell back inside and look for a job instead of being the nosey posey of the block. there is no meth to see here lady…..JUST KILLER BIKER GANGS!

HIZZZAH!